sorry if i write again and again about this issues. just dont read it if u dont want to.

gw pun males baca2 beginian sebenernya, curhatan ga penting. cm gw gemes, gw ga bs crita lgs ke siapapun, dan cm bs nulis semuamuanya disini. okey, call me so lame. bilang lah gw sok2 rapuh. gw cengeng. EMAAANG !! dan gw bodo amat !! nyokap gw nlp nyeritain dg DETAIL hows my new-fucking-old HOME doing. bukan gw sengak apa gmn ya, tp gw kasiaaan ama nyokap bokap gw mesti balik lg ke rmh kecil ituuuuuu !! its not that i dont know mereka pasti gengsi, malu, minder, sm orang2. ya kan? i knew it, i knew it. they never ready with this. they wont deal with this kind of SHIT. as me. as my sister. as anyone. kmrn2 nyokap gw yg blg kl ga siap sm ini semua. for a week after, shes doing better. eeeh td dia crita ke gw kl bokap gw yg down. "iso gak yo papa mbalik neng ikanmas meneh?" ("bisa gak ya papa balik lg hidup di ikanmas") thats the exact words he said to my Mom. dan apa reaksi nyokap gw? "loh kok papa saiki sing ngene. sing kuat to pah. sholat" ("loh kok papa skrg yg ky gini. yg kuat dong pah. sholat") gw cm bs tertawa terkikik di tlp, pdhl udah netes2 di pipi gw, air mata asin. yg bs gw bilang ke nyokap cm "semua kuncinya ada sm mama, ma. kalo mama kuat, kita semua bakal kuat. kalo mama ikhlas, kita semua insyaAllah ikhlas. jgn sampe mama down. kl mama aja down, gmn papa? gmn aku? gmn mbak mira?" dan nyokap gw cm bilang "iyaaa.." trs nutup tlp.